


freedom tastes of reality

by aviation



Category: Bandersnatch - Fandom, Black Mirror
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 09:44:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17281697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aviation/pseuds/aviation
Summary: “There’s a timeline where we don’t jump,” Stefan offers. “Can this be the timeline where everything’s okay? Where there’s nobody controlling us?“





	freedom tastes of reality

**Author's Note:**

> this is really, like, not good, it’s 5:45am, i did not proofread this, but i wanted to write something where stefan wasnt being controlled or something? i dunno either this really doesn’t make much sense sorry gang dont say i didnt warn ya

Colin, from the moment Stefan met him, seemed to be composed entirely of opposites. 

He’s sharp around the edges, but he’s got a soft centre, you can tell. He’s got villainous eyebrows and he’s got harshly bleached hair and he’s got eyes that are brown and warm yet seem to pierce you from the inside out and it’s scary, the first time they meet. He asks Stefan if they’ve met before and Stefan knows they haven’t - not least because of his obsession with games - but mostly because he would’ve remembered somebody like this, composed entirely of extremes, somehow so rugged yet soft. He feels like he should be afraid of Colin but the softness wins him over in the end.

And Stefan doesn’t know how he got here but Colin’s sitting cross legged on the couch and he’s going on about conspiracies and the government and free will and pacman and it doesn’t matter because Stefan doesn’t really care. How could someone be controlling him? Nobody’s ever felt as free as he does. Not right now. He can do what he likes. He could stand up and pour his tea on Colin’s head. He could do a dance on the table. He could push Colin over the fucking balcony - he’s not going to, but he could. It’s the principle of the thing. He’s got the choice. If he wanted. 

He doesnt understand, not really, and Colin tells him he’s going to show him, gets this look in his eyes as though this is what he was born to do. Stefan’s still feeling a little stupid, heavy limbs, the world weird, colourful and soft. Colin puts both of his hands on the underside of his jaw, thumb sweeping over his cheek, sort of clammy, and it makes his stomach do something it’s never done before. Stefan reaches up to touch Colin’s face, light butterfly touches with his fingertips, and pretends to listen. Stefan lets himself be led outside. At this point, he might let Colin do anything he wanted.

When he steps outside it’s different. Sharper. Inside it was soft - moody lights and couch pillows and legs in a basket and feeling like television static - it’s not soft anymore. It’s crisp and cold and breathing is harsher, cold air filling his lungs right up to the top, breathing out because you have to, not because it’s easy. Inhale exhale. It’s different to the warm blurry air inside where breathing didn’t matter. Nothing meshes together in the comforting way it did before, everything’s separate. Hard. Cold - solid. Colin seems less warm now too. Sharper. Solid. The soft centre melts away, he’s harsh like before, eyebrows that knit together, calculating, challenging. This is happening. Colin says one of them needs to jump. It doesn’t make sense.

“Neither of us need to jump.” Did his voice always sound like that? He has to say something else to hear it again. “Neither jumps. We go back inside and -“

“It doesn’t matter because there’s different timelines.” He’s saying something else, but Stefan doesn’t want to hear it. He doesn’t get it. Or he gets it, but he doesn’t want to. Fuck, he feels weird.

“What the hell are you talking about, I -“ Stefan’s voice feels so clear, so transparent, like jelly, wobbly and mushy like the way it was in the little tubs from primary school, and he wants it to stop. “Please. Inside.”

Colin gives him this look like whatever the hell he’s babbling about really, truly matters to him. “I’ll show you.”

He does have free will, he can stop this. He’ll prove it. “Fuck, I -“ How does he stop it, how does he say he doesn’t want anyone to die, how does he say he wants to go back inside and feel okay and nice and how does he tell Colin he really likes him and wants him to be okay -

He grabs Colin’s hand. Laces their fingers together. “Look at me. Look. Me. Fuck, shut up, look at me, it’s, I, I mean -“ Stefan mumbles his way into making Colin look at him, then kisses him. He doesn’t know why, not really. It’s weird and soft but a bit rough too, and it’s sort of fitting given Colin’s whole “opposites” thing.

“There’s a timeline where we don’t jump,” Stefan offers. “Can this be the timeline where everything’s okay? Where there’s nobody controlling us?“

“No, it can’t be,” Colin asserts. “But we can pretend it is. If you like.” 

That’s good enough for now.


End file.
